House
by Cloister Black
Summary: A script for an episode I wrote myself. I hope to get it on the show, please review!


[12:54:29 AM] Black Doctor: Haus, you're mean.

[12:54:29 AM] House: It's TB masked by Lupus.

[12:54:29 AM] Cuddy: Yeah House your mean.

[12:54:29 AM] House: Masked by black doctor's addiction to hot pockets...

[12:54:29 AM] Wilson: Hausu

[12:54:31 AM] Cuddy: I hate you because you don't follow the rules.

[12:54:34 AM] Black Doctor: And I don't agree with your methods and stuff, man.

[12:54:40 AM] Cuddy: Black Doctor I hate you

[12:54:43 AM] Cuddy: For some reason

[12:54:45 AM] House: wow

[12:54:49 AM] Black Doctor: It's cause I'm black, isn't it.

[12:54:53 AM] Cuddy: And I don't even know who I am.

[12:54:58 AM] House: i just diagnosed the patient

[12:54:59 AM] Cuddy: Oh, I'm Cuddy.

[12:55:01 AM] Black Doctor: Which one of us has a connection to the case?

[12:55:08 AM] House: NOW TREAT HIM FOR TB

[12:55:08 AM] Cuddy: Me!

[12:55:12 AM] Cuddy: No, you.

[12:55:12 AM] House: THEN THE LUPUS

[12:55:13 AM] Cuddy: Black Doctor.

[12:55:19 AM] Black Doctor: Okay, so I'm gonna get emotional about this.

[12:55:20 AM] House: THEN TELL HIM TO STOP EATING SO MANY HOT POCKETS

[12:55:24 AM] Cuddy: House you have to follow the rules.

[12:55:29 AM] House: I MAKE THE RULES

[12:55:34 AM] House: AND BREAK THE RULES

[12:55:37 AM] Cuddy: You can't do stuff with patients

[12:55:41 AM] House: ALL OF THEM

[12:55:42 AM] Black Doctor: Go play your guitar, fool.

[12:55:46 AM] Cuddy: Black Doctor tell House to follow the rules

[12:55:47 AM] Black Doctor: Where's Watson?

[12:55:50 AM] House: Go play your gator, gator

[12:55:51 AM] Cuddy: Wilson?

[12:55:55 AM] Cuddy: Wilson is Wilson.

[12:55:56 AM] Black Doctor: Yeah, Wilson.

[12:55:59 AM] House: YEAH JEW

[12:56:01 AM] Cuddy: WILSON

[12:56:01 AM] Black Doctor: Follow the Rules, Haus.

[12:56:07 AM] Cuddy: Tell House to follow the rules

[12:56:10 AM] Cuddy: Then let's have sex

[12:56:10 AM] Black Doctor: Yeah, tell him.

[12:56:16 AM] Black Doctor: He won't listen to my black ass.

[12:56:16 AM] House: Tell Wilson that he is a jew

[12:56:20 AM] Cuddy: Because I'm a woman and that is what women do best

[12:56:21 AM] Black Doctor: Wilson, follow the rules.

[12:56:25 AM] Black Doctor: Oh shit.

[12:56:28 AM] Cuddy: Wilson do your job

[12:56:31 AM] House: And that my real father was a Jew too!

[12:56:35 AM] House: Wilson

[12:56:38 AM] Cuddy: Wilson

[12:56:41 AM] Black Doctor: Lupus

[12:56:43 AM] Cuddy: Wilson

[12:56:50 AM] House: our new patient is dying from severe oral bleeding

[12:56:57 AM] Cuddy: What

[12:56:58 AM] Black Doctor: Is it Ukitake?

[12:57:04 AM] Cuddy: We can't treat that patient, they don't have insurance.

[12:57:11 AM] Cuddy: It's not financially good.

[12:57:11 AM] House: and I need your help with determining whether I should ask 13 out?

[12:57:15 AM] Black Doctor: Dude's taichou.

[12:57:17 AM] House: or maybe cuddy

[12:57:21 AM] Cuddy: I don't care about your dating.

[12:57:24 AM] Wilson: This discovery follows some blackboard scribbling in which he reverses a sign in the equation for enthalpy to energy plus (rather than minus which is correct) pressure times volume.

[12:57:27 AM] Cuddy: I'm hardcore except for when I'm not.

[12:57:28 AM] Black Doctor: Ukitake IS 13.

[12:57:28 AM] House: yes you do

[12:57:42 AM] House: Ok guys

[12:57:48 AM] Cuddy: Wilson stop talking nonsense

[12:57:52 AM] House: our patient is dying from oral bleeding

[12:57:55 AM] Cuddy: Do your job

[12:57:57 AM] Black Doctor: tell haus follow rule

[12:58:05 AM] Black Doctor: ten fifteen minute

[12:58:06 AM] House: so we need to give him HIV to see if HIV is causing his bleeding

[12:58:07 AM] Cuddy: Oh, Black Doctor's become Chinese

[12:58:16 AM] Cuddy: No House that's not ethical

[12:58:17 AM] Black Doctor: I swear I'm not Orange. Chinese.

[12:58:22 AM] House: Huntington's DISEASE!

[12:58:25 AM] Cuddy: You can't do it.

[12:58:29 AM] House: rhymes time chinese

[12:58:35 AM] House: kinda

[12:58:40 AM] House: I compose music

[12:58:41 AM] Cuddy: If you do it I'll call the police and tell them about your drugs

[12:58:46 AM] Cuddy: No

[12:58:47 AM] Cuddy: It's bad

[12:58:50 AM] Cuddy: Your music sucks

[12:58:51 AM] Black Doctor: Follow the rules?

[12:58:52 AM] House: Hey, I'm of fthe drugs now

[12:58:57 AM] Cuddy: FOLLOW THE RULES

[12:59:06 AM] House: but if i wasn't you really wouldn't call the police

[12:59:09 AM] Black Doctor: I cannot indulge as an average person.

[12:59:09 AM] House: because, you need me

[12:59:14 AM] Cuddy: Yeah, that's true.

[12:59:16 AM] House: I'm NOT AVERAGE!

[12:59:18 AM] Cuddy: He's too good to get rid of.

[12:59:19 AM] Black Doctor: I would call the police.

[12:59:24 AM] House: I'M F-ING HOUSE

[12:59:28 AM] Cuddy: That's because you're black.

[12:59:28 AM] Black Doctor: Becaues you have to follow the rules.

[12:59:37 AM] Black Doctor: Blackula KUCHIKI.

[12:59:38 AM] Cuddy: Whoops employee relations trouble

[12:59:43 AM] House: YEAH

[12:59:50 AM] Black Doctor: Follow the rules.

[12:59:50 AM] House: WHERE'S CUDDY ANYWAY?

[12:59:56 AM] Cuddy: Black people always love to call the cops

[12:59:57 AM] Black Doctor: Mars?

[12:59:57 AM] House: Only she can make me follow the rules

[1:00:04 AM] Cuddy: Follow the rules.

[1:00:07 AM] House: NOPE

[1:00:13 AM] Black Doctor: Cuddy is Cuddy.

[1:00:13 AM] House: you don't follow the rules anymore

[1:00:18 AM] Black Doctor: You shoudl follow the rules.

[1:00:18 AM] House: oh

[1:00:21 AM] House: ok then

[1:00:25 AM] House: I'll follow the rules...

[1:00:26 AM] House: ...

[1:00:27 AM] House: ...

[1:00:28 AM] House: ...

[1:00:28 AM] House: .

[1:00:29 AM] House: ..

[1:00:30 AM] House: ..

[1:00:30 AM] Cuddy: I'm also one of House's underlings.

[1:00:31 AM] House: ...

[1:00:33 AM] House: ...

[1:00:33 AM] House: ...

[1:00:35 AM] House: ...

[1:00:35 AM] House: ...

[1:00:36 AM] House: ...

[1:00:39 AM] Black Doctor: Well, follow the rules.

[1:00:39 AM] Cuddy: But I can't remember their names.

[1:00:40 AM] House: psych!

[1:00:47 AM] House: Which one?

[1:00:48 AM] Black Doctor: But that's a different show?

[1:00:58 AM] Cuddy: Black Doctor don't make this confusing.

[1:01:10 AM] Cuddy: I'll be the Australian one.

[1:01:23 AM] Cuddy: Wilson can double as the girl.

[1:01:25 AM] Cuddy: And Wilson.

[1:01:30 AM] Black Doctor: Who doesn't talk.

[1:01:31 AM] Cuddy: Who are both conspicuously absent.

[1:01:38 AM] Cuddy: They died.

[1:01:42 AM] Black Doctor: Of TB.

[1:01:42 AM] Cuddy: Okay, new episode.

[1:01:46 AM] Wilson: Black Doctor died

[1:01:54 AM] House: oh Black Doctor!

[1:02:01 AM] Black Doctor: In this one, Haus solves the mystery of how Wilson and the girl died.

[1:02:03 AM] Black Doctor: Of TB.

[1:02:03 AM] House: now I'll see visions of a dead Black Doctor!

[1:02:03 AM] Cuddy: House, we just got a new patient from Cuba and her husband almost died trying to get her here

[1:02:14 AM] Cuddy: She has pregnancy, and it's pretty advanced

[1:02:18 AM] Black Doctor: Okay, mine will be the b-plot.

[1:02:32 AM] Cuddy: Yeah.

[1:02:33 AM] Black Doctor: There has to be a Haus episode Mad Lib series somewhere.

[1:02:39 AM] Cuddy: Yeah.

[1:02:53 AM] Cuddy: Australian: A dingo ate my baby!

[1:02:59 AM] Cuddy: Okay, I think that's it for this.


End file.
